You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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