You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Four minutes until I can fart!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
