I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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