my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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