I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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