She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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