Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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