its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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