I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
