good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
