Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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