I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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