Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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