Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
