just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
