I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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