i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
