I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
