is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
