You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
