PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
