He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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