I have demons in me.
love makes seman taste better
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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