somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize