I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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