Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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