Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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