that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
