come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So vagazzling was a success
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize