She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
