Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
