sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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