something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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