Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
