i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
