Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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