i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
