a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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