You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
COCAINE IS GR8
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