I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
