i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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