I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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