So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My vagina is officially offended.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
