dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
