So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
