I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
