clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
