WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
