How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
