why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
