ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
