The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
