you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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