he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
