I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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