she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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