this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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