YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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