Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
