I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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