I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
