i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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