We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
