Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
