dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
