I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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