i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize