I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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