She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
