they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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