I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bring me that man meat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
